T Minus 10...
Journal Entry #4
August 20th, 2021
Tom and I are both feeling the stress of the final countdown. There are a multitude of things to get done, both finalizing elements of the build (final cabinet install, fold out table, ottoman, trim pieces, caulking, painting touch up, several hook ups we need to make and so on) and administrative steps which seem never ending; updating financial accounts and important documents, getting medical and dental check-ups before we leave, setting up traveling mailboxes, changing addresses, finalizing healthcare insurance, notarizing papers, shredding items, mailing things to various people.
While we wrap up the build, we are also staging all of the items that will go into the van. Because it is such a small space, this process is like puzzle both for fit and location to make best use of the storage space that we have. We want to pack for minimal “rattle” so bagging things and loading items into soft rope baskets is part of the process of this staging.
We are also “closing down” and packing up our NJ home including boxing up remaining items for the movers who will come on August 30th to take what is left in the house, including the furniture we plan to keep, to our storage unit in Ithaca. Liquids and food items can’t go into storage, so my car will be packed with items that will come with us to Akron (Tom’s grandmother’s house) where we can store them, and where we will put the car in the garage for storage. We have sold or are giving many items away —couches, shelves, kitchenware, plants, grills, tables and chairs— to friends and neighbors. Other items that we don’t want will go Goodwill or Salvation Army.
I am breathless as I think of all of this. I was up at midnight making a list so I wouldn’t forget tasks. Tom was up at 3 am having thought of a solution to managing our weighted extendable kitchen faucet (the weight will bounce and bump around while we are driving. His solve requires adding a spring modification that he wants to make today.) He also made a list of all of the spare parts he wants to take in the van and started to box them.
These are the things that keep us up at night!
In the meantime, there are all of the emotional and personal transitions to contend with and process. To be honest, I don’t think either of us have had much time to think on these things. I think once we are on the road we will give ourselves permission to give these transitions more reflection and headspace.
One big transition; Getting H off to college this week. On one hand it is a complete joy to see H begin her college journey after a challenging virtual Senior year, and I know she is completely ready. On the other hand, having spent so much time together over this pandemic year, I am going to miss her very much. I will miss the organic nature of our daily interaction. I loved our chats about music and art and life. I loved her quirky sense of humor and wit. I loved just hanging with her. I know that I will have to seek her out more intentionally now.
Another big transition; getting E settled into her new apartment in Florida and celebrating her recent triumph - landing a great first professional/career job. It feels as if E is now more fully launched, which is a relief. I am proud of the big steps she is taking in her young adult life.
And so, here we are; newly minted “empty nesters.” This is both thrilling and scary. I have a sudden feeling of time racing and I am keenly aware that I have officially entered the “second half” of my life.
Another goodbye that’s happening next week. We will say goodbye to Apollo, my 11 year old cat. While I selfishly wish I could take him along, I know he would not be happy. He’s an older bigger cat, and doesn’t particularly travel well. While I am feeling super blessed to have found a friend and fellow cat lover nearby who will foster him for the time we are away, we are really going to miss him (He was my first boyfriend post divorce and Tom loves him like a (fuzzy) younger brother).
Another huge transition; moving away from all of the dear friends I have made over the past twenty years. I have lived in the same two-mile radius for two decades, this is profound in a world that seems so transient. I can’t begin to name all of the people I will miss (many of you reading this are just those people!). The friends I have made in this area are what got me through some really tough times and helped me rejoice in happy times.
Friends who “get me” and who I could call on whenever— for advice, for a walk, for a coffee, for a lunch or dinner, for a concert, for a dance, for a hike, for an adventure, for a kick in the pants, for a cry, for a laugh. The people here helped me become who I am. I will miss not being “nearby” anymore.
Now, I will say that it gives me solace that FaceTime and Zoom and Google Meet are so ubiquitous and that we have all adjusted to this type of communication; I will still be able chat with folks — I even plan to dial into my book group! Even so, the act of departing is bittersweet.
The physical place — Maplewood/South Orange — has also helped define me; it has been a badge of honor to have lived in this progressive and interesting community. I have so many terrific memories of places and events here — visiting the girl’s schools, arts events over the years, epic Halloween parades, Maplewoodstock (one of the best local outdoor music events on the planet), Rent Party nights, favorite local watering holes and restaurants, hiking in the South Mountain Reservation, the view of Manhattan from the top of Warner/Clermont or Undercliff Road on a clear day. The little bridge over the brook behind my old house on the Lane. Walking easily to (both) towns. Farmer’s markets. Summers spent at the Maplewood Pool.
The rhythm of this community helped me frame the seasons, the years, time itself. Stepping away from this place, from the familiar rhythm of it, is hard.
So, with our departure less than two weeks away, the tactical and practical “to do’s” are many and the emotions are running the gamut. I am embarrassed to say that Tom and I have resorted to watching Love Island Australia in order to unwind at night. It’s a completely vacuous, mindless garbage show. For us there is something elemental and necessary in having animated dialog about stuff that is NOT the van, or progress on our checklists, or reflecting on upcoming life changes. Instead we talk about Grant’s serial lying to Tayla about his feelings for Cassidy, or whether Shelby will couple up with Dom after all, or whether Mac’s boobs are real or fake.
We totally need this this right now, y’know?
Finally, for local friends who are “vancurious,” please come to our open “van” house next Friday, August 27 from 2-7. We’ll be giving “tours” and would be especially happy to have any/all friends drop by to wish us well/see us off/say goodbye!
And then there are those of us who are just now dealing with the reality that we’re not going to be running into you in town, at music, over a cup of coffee, and that at the end of this you’re not moving back here.